If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
