lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
