I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
