alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
