I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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