The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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