Got a toothbrush?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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