If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
