You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
