Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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