Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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