Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize