Where did you get a picture of my penis
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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