shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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