:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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