I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
