i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
