I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
