you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
