i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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