Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
