idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
bring money and cleavage
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
