I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
