I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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