Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
