the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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