Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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