I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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