hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
