There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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