he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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