this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
birth control should be required to get into college
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
