Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my shit smells like andre
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
