It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
