I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
