you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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