Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
