oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i already hear my dad disowning me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
