you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
