Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
