Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize