oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
