i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
