I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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