im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
