I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
