You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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