youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
