running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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