im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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