he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
