I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
