2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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