If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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