I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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