how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize