just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
