I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
