it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
