i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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