Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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