All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
