i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
