I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
