And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
