Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
