We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Two words: nipple clamps
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