the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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