But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
