There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
