2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize