I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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