before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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