I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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